dating thai women

7 Reasons Why Dating in Asia is Dangerous

Contribution by fellow expat Sebastian Harris

I’m in a relationship with a beautiful Asian woman.

Leaving the West and embracing a new life as a digital nomad in Southeast Asia was the best decision I ever made. The food is cheap, the weather is awesome and I have an amazing girlfriend.

Life is good.

But I have to warn you. There’s a dark side you don’t read about often. You don’t read about it because the men who got consumed by the dark side don’t want to share their stories.

It sounds way more heroic to say that you have the time of your life instead of “man, this woman took me to the cleaners.”

Don’t get me wrong. I love Asia and I love Asian women. But there are some things you need to know before you do something you will regret later.

1. Dating Asian women is addictive

When I think about what dating Asian women is really like, there are dozens of words that pop into my head.

Effortless, fun, playful, exciting…these are all words that describe the feeling. And this feeling is addictive. No matter if you come to Thailand, Vietnam, or if you decide to travel to the Philippines to date cute Filipinas, you’ll get addicted.

This addiction is fun, but it can get dangerous.

Imagine you are working on a business and all you think about is to join a Filipina dating site and to chat with hundreds of girls. You won’t get much work done. And I can’t even blame you for it. Chatting with beautiful Filipinas is ten times more fun than working on a business.

However, think about the long-term consequences of this attitude. It’s cool to do it one day or one week, but what about one year? You might have two girls in your bed but no money in the bank.  

2. Your ego is your greatest enemy

Dating Asian women is fuel for your ego. It’s like taking an adrenaline shot every morning. You’ll get a lot of attention and your ego loves attention more than anything else. It gets bigger and bigger until you can’t control it anymore.

It controls you.

It’s easy to believe that you are a godlike creature when every second girl you see smiles at you. Even if you didn’t get any attention from women back home, you will get attention in Asia, especially if you are a young white man. But it is dangerous.

What do you think happens when you meet an awesome girl who is girlfriend material?

You want to be with her, but your ego tells you that you can have so many other girls. This is the moment when you have to decide if you want to listen to your ego or to your heart. I fight this battle every day.

3. Not every smile is real

Asian women love Western men. That’s true. But some girls you meet have an agenda. Yes, they love the way you look and talk, but they also love the shape of your credit card.

When I first came to Asia, I was amazed at how friendly everyone was. Back in my home country, people usually smile on Christmas Eve and on their birthday. That’s it. In Asia, however, people smile at you all day long.

The fact that everyone, especially beautiful women, are constantly smiling at you can make you blind to the intention behind their smiles.  

Some of the girls who smile want to date you. Others want to find a man with money and they don’t care if it’s you or the guy who walks past in ten minutes.

4. You can get the girl out of the bar, but…

… you can’t get the bar out of the girl.

you can't get the bar out of the girl

I know that the smile of my girlfriend is real. I know it because she has never been in a go-go bar, let alone worked in one. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about the girlfriend of one of my friends.

She’s a bar girl and you don’t have to be a fortune teller to see that her smile is not real. She just wants his money and she doesn’t make a secret of it. He’s blind enough to give her money whenever she asks.

It’s foolish to believe that you can date a girl who has worked as a prostitute for her whole life and expect her to become your nice and loyal girlfriend.

Sorry, but that won’t happen.

The best advice I can give you is to stay away from bar girls.

What happens when you ignore this advice?

5. Fall for the wrong girl and you will fall

expat loses home to his asian wife

While I lived in the Philippines, I got to know many expats. Most of them are in relationships with Filipina women. Some of them are married. They are all happy because they chose the right girl. And they all know stories of guys who chose the wrong girl.

A lot can happen when you choose the wrong girl. You are in love and people in love tend to act a little bit illogical. You might buy a house for her and because you can’t own it, she kicks you out after a month. You might send money to her because she tells you that her grandmother is sick.

Here’s a list of some things that can happen to you when you fall in love with the wrong Filipina. Of course, this can happen in every Asian country.

But don’t worry too much. I dated many beautiful Asian women and I never got scammed. As long as you stay away from the go-go bars, it’s highly unlikely that you meet girls who try to scam you. There are millions of beautiful Asian girls who want you and not your money.

6. Fall for the perfect girl and you might stay forever

dating asian girls

I’m guilty of that.

I found the perfect girl in Asia and I currently live with her. I love her and living with her is an amazing experience. But it’s also quite dangerous.

I left my safe and secure home country for a life of uncertainty. I jumped into the cold water, and now it’s either sink or swim.

Obviously, this lifestyle is not for everyone. But if you date Asian women, you might not have a choice.

7. You can’t go back

No matter if you date Filipinas or Thai girls, and no matter if you plan to stay in Asia for two weeks or forever, I guarantee you one thing.

You won’t be able to go back.

I mean, you can go back to living in the West, but you can’t go back to dating Western women. It’s just impossible.

Once you have realized that women can be feminine, dating can be fun, and relationships can be fulfilling, you can never go back to dating in the West.

I still remember how I felt when I came back after my first one-month trip to Asia. It only took one date to realize that I can’t do this anymore.  

Now I live in Asia. You can do the same.  

19 comments On 7 Reasons Why Dating in Asia is Dangerous

  • It Sounds like he is tired of being with the ONAC (Ornery North American Chick).

  • Two things.

    First, great article. You hit the mark on everything. I lived in China for a while with a girl I met there, but it didn’t work out. I thought about staying there, because there are so many opportunities, but I ended up in Philippines where I live now with my fiancee. Really some things to think about. Would I do things differently looking back? Probably not. But if I had this advice before hand, I would have been more prepared. One truth is, especially when dating very poor girls in Philippines and Thailand… MOST of them are out for your money. But they can love you also. You need to take things VERY slowly as far as getting serious and giving money to poor girls. If you don’t give them money and buy them really nice things, and tell them you are poor, and they stay with you, you’ve found yourself a keeper. Never act rich, throw money around, or give girls money that you don’t know that well. Like using a condom, you need to protect yourself until you know you are safe. 😉

    Second, what’s the deal with the picture of stewardesses in the red and yellow bikinis or bra and panties? Is that an actual thing for some airline? if so, I want to fly with them! 🙂

  • The problem is how does one knows if the Asian woman you meet, date and marry was not a bar girl, go go girl or one who worked at 5 star hotel and a call girl? I married one who worked at 5 star hotels in Mumbai as an house keeper and on side was a call girl and she made me homeless and penniless here in Canada with her partner in crime Pesi Shroff of Ottawa who is a fraud and calls himself holistic healer. So it is best that you find out about the woman before you marry her.

    • Aspi:

      I don’t know if you can tell 100%, unless they are willing to tell you. I can tell you this, however: Every bar girl I’ve ever met or known has tattoos… Like I said, I’m not 100% on this but if you find a girl with no tattoos, it’s highly likely she was not a bar girl. But this is the other part of Asia. I know literally nothing about India.

  • I married a Filipina that I met in Hong Kong. I had already been traveling to Asia (Philippines, S. Korea, Japan, China & Hong Kong) and had met many nice girls as well as some not so nice. I married my wife and brought her back home to the USA. We plan to retire in the Philippines soon. All this time my wife has been the perfect example of what a wife should be. I get complimented so much on how lucky I am in having her as my wife. My point is that luck has nothing to do with her being who she is. There are millions of other girls just like her in Asia, its a matter of knowing what it is that you want in a woman and finding the right one that will fit you. I am sure there are some western women that make good wives, it all depends on your needs, wants & standards. Not bashing any women, every society has its share of good and bad. It is up to each individual to pick and choose wisely, or not.

  • What is your opinion of the Date in Asia website? It is a free site and it seems pretty good. What dating website do you recommend? Thank you.

    • Scott:

      This is my personal opinion only: Dating sites are often scams to make money. While there are some real girls there, many are scammers or fake. The best way to meet girls is to go out and meet them. I have been in the Philippines for a long time, and I’ve found places in the Visayas there are many, many Filipinas looking for or interested in foreign men. Best places to go: Cebu, specifically hang out at Ayala Mall (TGI Fridays on the Terrace). I have walked there many times with my fiancee, and still had girls blatantly approach me. Dumaguete and Iloilo City are well known expat communities and many women there are the same.. looking for and interested in foreigners. Finally, ANY big resort area will have plenty of women happy to meet you. Basically anywhere on Palawan island, specifically El Nido or Puerta Princessa are great for a vacation and to meet women, but they aren’t going to be as forward as other places. Never stayed in Manila so I can’t give you any information about there. I live in Baguio now, and it’s nice here, and girls here are very open minded, but they are not usually LOOKING for foreigners, but are willing to date them.

      • I second what Patrick said. Best way to meet girls worth a damn is to actually go out and meet them. Maybe online was decent up till a few years ago, but now it’s been overrun by scammers and narcissistic girls enjoying the attention they get from hundreds of guys filling their inboxes.

  • Well written article. Very true especially the you can’t go back to dating western woman anymore.

  • What you are saying is absolutely true. The moment you date an Asian woman, particularly a Filipina, you can’t go back to dating a Western woman ever again. And even when you break up with an Asian, men tend to always look again for another Asian woman.

  • Pingback: Comparison of Southeast Asian Girls Between Thailand, Philippines, Indonesia and Vietnam - This Is Trouble ()

  • it can be very hard to figure out whether a girl here wants money or not, definitely one of the tougher things to get used to, as are the fake smiles

    • I disagree, guy. It isn’t hard if you take the time and also look at things OBJECTIVELY. Taking the time is simply getting to know the girl. Girls looking for money won’t put a month or two into trying to develop a relationship without asking for money at some point. It’s really quite simple. Add to that the fact that many men get caught up in things like “This girl is so hot!” or “She treats me so well.” You can say the same things about a lot of prostitutes also. If they want money from you, they are not the girls you want to try to build a long term relationship with.

      A relationship with an Asian woman is basically the same as any other women. Just different pitfalls to look for. Take your time, there’s no hurry. And if it doesn’t work out, there are MILLIONS of other girls out there.

      • a month or two is a long time for a girl to play with your emotions, if you come over without having any attention from cute girls for awhile then a cunning one can take advantage of that

        and there have been plenty of girls who play the long game and wait much longer then that, in general you are right that most go for small quick hits, those only work on fresh off the plane noobs who are desperate

  • It is not hard to figure out if they want your money. If they are female, then no matter whether they are Asian, Caucasian or Martian – they want your money.

    But they may also be able to love you.

    That is the hard thing.

    • Interactions with the opposite sex out here are definitely are more transactional, but they can grow to love you if your bond stands the test of time. I guess that’s true anywhere though. My current girl sometimes refuses to let me pay for dinners and trips together. I sometimes have to grab the bill and shove my credit card in it before she does 🙂

  • a smart and simple read! Thank you for your posts. I expect your next one.

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