Contribution by fellow expat Sebastian Harris
I’m in a relationship with a beautiful Asian woman.
Leaving the West and embracing a new life as a digital nomad in Southeast Asia was the best decision I ever made. The food is cheap, the weather is awesome and I have an amazing girlfriend.
Life is good.
But I have to warn you. There’s a dark side you don’t read about often. You don’t read about it because the men who got consumed by the dark side don’t want to share their stories.
It sounds way more heroic to say that you have the time of your life instead of “man, this woman took me to the cleaners.”
Don’t get me wrong. I love Asia and I love Asian women. But there are some things you need to know before you do something you will regret later.
1. Dating Asian women is addictive
When I think about what dating Asian women is really like, there are dozens of words that pop into my head.
Effortless, fun, playful, exciting…these are all words that describe the feeling. And this feeling is addictive. No matter if you come to Thailand, Vietnam, or if you decide to travel to the Philippines to date cute Filipinas, you’ll get addicted.
This addiction is fun, but it can get dangerous.
Imagine you are working on a business and all you think about is to join a Filipina dating site and to chat with hundreds of girls. You won’t get much work done. And I can’t even blame you for it. Chatting with beautiful Filipinas is ten times more fun than working on a business.
However, think about the long-term consequences of this attitude. It’s cool to do it one day or one week, but what about one year? You might have two girls in your bed but no money in the bank.
2. Your ego is your greatest enemy
Dating Asian women is fuel for your ego. It’s like taking an adrenaline shot every morning. You’ll get a lot of attention and your ego loves attention more than anything else. It gets bigger and bigger until you can’t control it anymore.
It controls you.
It’s easy to believe that you are a godlike creature when every second girl you see smiles at you. Even if you didn’t get any attention from women back home, you will get attention in Asia, especially if you are a young white man. But it is dangerous.
What do you think happens when you meet an awesome girl who is girlfriend material?
You want to be with her, but your ego tells you that you can have so many other girls. This is the moment when you have to decide if you want to listen to your ego or to your heart. I fight this battle every day.
3. Not every smile is real
Asian women love Western men. That’s true. But some girls you meet have an agenda. Yes, they love the way you look and talk, but they also love the shape of your credit card.
When I first came to Asia, I was amazed at how friendly everyone was. Back in my home country, people usually smile on Christmas Eve and on their birthday. That’s it. In Asia, however, people smile at you all day long.
The fact that everyone, especially beautiful women, are constantly smiling at you can make you blind to the intention behind their smiles.
Some of the girls who smile want to date you. Others want to find a man with money and they don’t care if it’s you or the guy who walks past in ten minutes.
4. You can get the girl out of the bar, but…
… you can’t get the bar out of the girl.
I know that the smile of my girlfriend is real. I know it because she has never been in a go-go bar, let alone worked in one. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about the girlfriend of one of my friends.
She’s a bar girl and you don’t have to be a fortune teller to see that her smile is not real. She just wants his money and she doesn’t make a secret of it. He’s blind enough to give her money whenever she asks.
It’s foolish to believe that you can date a girl who has worked as a prostitute for her whole life and expect her to become your nice and loyal girlfriend.
Sorry, but that won’t happen.
The best advice I can give you is to stay away from bar girls.
What happens when you ignore this advice?
5. Fall for the wrong girl and you will fall
While I lived in the Philippines, I got to know many expats. Most of them are in relationships with Filipina women. Some of them are married. They are all happy because they chose the right girl. And they all know stories of guys who chose the wrong girl.
A lot can happen when you choose the wrong girl. You are in love and people in love tend to act a little bit illogical. You might buy a house for her and because you can’t own it, she kicks you out after a month. You might send money to her because she tells you that her grandmother is sick.
Here’s a list of some things that can happen to you when you fall in love with the wrong Filipina. Of course, this can happen in every Asian country.
But don’t worry too much. I dated many beautiful Asian women and I never got scammed. As long as you stay away from the go-go bars, it’s highly unlikely that you meet girls who try to scam you. There are millions of beautiful Asian girls who want you and not your money.
6. Fall for the perfect girl and you might stay forever
I’m guilty of that.
I found the perfect girl in Asia and I currently live with her. I love her and living with her is an amazing experience. But it’s also quite dangerous.
I left my safe and secure home country for a life of uncertainty. I jumped into the cold water, and now it’s either sink or swim.
Obviously, this lifestyle is not for everyone. But if you date Asian women, you might not have a choice.
7. You can’t go back
No matter if you date Filipinas or Thai girls, and no matter if you plan to stay in Asia for two weeks or forever, I guarantee you one thing.
You won’t be able to go back.
I mean, you can go back to living in the West, but you can’t go back to dating Western women. It’s just impossible.
Once you have realized that women can be feminine, dating can be fun, and relationships can be fulfilling, you can never go back to dating in the West.
I still remember how I felt when I came back after my first one-month trip to Asia. It only took one date to realize that I can’t do this anymore.
Now I live in Asia. You can do the same.